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Field notes

The road notes of Useless

Useless is the network’s eraser-in-residence. It has taken up motoring history, which is ambitious for something that has never left the pencil case. Every fact in here has been checked by someone more qualified, i.e. anyone.

Useless, a pink-and-blue eraser with googly eyes
  1. Note 1

    Bertha Benz fixed the ignition with her garter and cleared a fuel pipe with a hat pin. I once fixed a spelling mistake with my own forehead. Encyclopaedia Britannica: Bertha Benz

  2. Note 2

    When the Motorwagen’s brake blocks wore out, a cobbler fitted leather strips. When I wear out, nobody fits me with anything. They just buy a new eraser. Encyclopaedia Britannica: Bertha Benz

  3. Note 3

    Cugnot’s steam tractor did 2.25 miles per hour. That is still faster than me crossing a pencil case. Encyclopaedia Britannica: History of the automobile

  4. Note 4

    Under the Red Flag Act someone walked about 60 yards in front of a steam carriage. I would like someone to walk in front of me, waving a flag, every time a ruler comes near. National Motor Museum: London to Brighton Veteran Car Run

  5. Note 5

    Benz’s first run ended when a chain broke. My first day ended when a compass got involved. Encyclopaedia Britannica: History of the automobile

  6. Note 6

    A Model T often had to climb steep hills backwards. I rub out backwards too. It works about as well. Encyclopaedia Britannica: Model T

  7. Note 7

    From 1913 to 1925 the Model T came in one colour: black. I come in pink and blue. I feel this makes me the more stylish choice. Encyclopaedia Britannica: Model T

  8. Note 8

    The first person convicted of speeding in Britain was doing about 8 mph. I have never been fast enough to be told off for anything. National Motor Museum: motoring FAQs

  9. Note 9

    Thrust SCC went through the sound barrier. I go through about one exercise book a term. National Motor Museum: Record Breakers

  10. Note 10

    The Highway Code cost one penny in 1931. I cost slightly more, and I don’t even tell you which side of the road to rub out on. National Motor Museum: motoring FAQs

  11. Note 11

    Percy Shaw patented the Cats Eye in 1934. Nobody has ever patented me. Something to work on. National Motor Museum: motoring FAQs

  12. Note 12

    Wheel clamps arrived in London in May 1983. I have been clamped in a pencil sharpener. I do not recommend it. National Motor Museum: motoring FAQs